Dear Friends,
One year ago today, March 29, 2011, I entered into my oncologist’s office, expecting nothing, but hoping for something. The previous day I had had a PET scan, one which I relied on to reveal the updated state of my disease, which was diagnosed from a CT scan just 2 ½ months earlier to be stage IV melanoma (this was my 2nd recurrence of melanoma, and the most serious). So the last time I had checked, I had tumors under my chin, in my neck, in my lung, and in my spine – 7 tumors total. Well, after an interrogation from my doctor about my alternative, natural treatments and diet from CHIPSA hospital in Mexico, and a subsequent period of silence and disbelief, my doctor declared me free of cancer.
I couldn’t stop crying. An incredible weight was lifted from my chest and shoulders. I felt free. I was so incredibly happy. It was a moment I’ll never forget, and I was lucky to have my mom, sister, and grandmother there to share it with me. That evening when I saw my dad, our emotions could not have been greater in contrast to the time I saw him after receiving my stage IV diagnosis, when we both thought that I would die.
Going back to how I felt when I first learned that I had end-stage melanoma, with 7 tumors, after having surgeries, finishing radiation treatments just a few weeks earlier, and not qualifying for the most promising clinical trials my doctor hoped I’d be eligible to take part in – that was unbearable. But this great news, that the nightmare was over, was incredible.
Not many can relate to this situation, getting stage IV cancer and then seeing the day when it goes away completely. This is something I struggle with sometimes, because it’s not fair to all of the cancer patients who die from the disease (or their families and friends). For some patients, the alternative therapies that saved my life don’t work, for others, they don’t know that the therapies exist or that they work, and for the rest, I can’t comment, I don’t know. Over the last year or so, I have lost many friends and acquaintances to cancer. For each person, my heart has broken, and I have wondered why I survived while they didn’t. At times I feel guilty just for being in existence, because I am the lucky one. There are so many missing out on life, and there is always someone I know suffering from the loss of a loved one.
Although this hurts, I find comfort in knowing that God has a plan, and we all have important roles. I am not sure of what I am meant to do in my life, but I hope that I can have a positive influence on the people I meet, and I hope that by sharing my story with others, it will lead some people to healing. I believe that nutrition has an enormously underestimated influence on the prevention and treatment of many diseases. After all, my diet change was one of the most (if not the most) essential components to my alternative cancer treatment and success.
Reflecting on the last 365 days, it has been a year of ups and downs for me, but mostly ups. After my first clean scan last March, I made a bunch of fun weekend trips to visit my teammates at BU for the remainder of the semester; I went with some of those teammates for an unforgettable weekend trip to Las Vegas; I took a summer class in Boston; I had my second clean PET scan in July; I returned to BU for my senior year; I returned to diving, both practicing and competing; I went to New Orleans for my sister’s bachelorette party; I went to my sister’s beautiful, magical wedding; I spent a very special Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family; I completed my first semester back at school; I had another perfect PET scan result in December; I spent New Year’s Eve with a group of wonderful, fun and caring people; I returned for another semester at BU; my team won the America East Swimming and Diving Championships at the last meet of my diving career; I met and became close friends with many wonderful and inspiring people; I built upon existing friendships; and I became close with God.
This past year, I gained some wisdom and learned a few lessons. I identified what is most important to me, which is having strong relationships with the people I love and care about – because life is meaningless if you have no one to share it with. A year ago, I was worried that I would forget too quickly that the fact that I am alive is amazing, and everything else is a bonus, but I think I have done a pretty good job of keeping everything in perspective. I try to use my time wisely, whether it’s spent building relationships, focusing on my health, doing school work, relaxing, etc. I used to dwell on negative things, but now I’m getting better at ignoring negative feelings that might make me feel depressed and instead focusing on how I can be positive, and thinking about what I have to be thankful for. I appreciate things on a deeper level, and try not to take anything for granted, especially a day of good health. I have learned to go outside of my comfort zone and take meaningful risks, seizing opportunities.
BUT – none of this would have been possible without you, the readers of this letter (especially you, Mom and Dad). Whether great or small (probably great), you have each made a contribution to my health, happiness, and spirit, and I am incredibly grateful. I am in debt to you all, and the only way I know right now how to honor you (and those who have passed away) is to graciously accept your kind, thoughtful help and live as full of a life as I can. With an open heart, I thank you so much.
Sincerely,
Bailey
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